Charon’s River
Pining toes brush tips of pointed grass spears,
Just under lies a great sleeping river that has existed always,
But goes unnoticed by we raving youth,
Our mouths busy spouting pubescent drivel.
Its water is colder than the loveless faces
Of our mothers who have forsaken us,
They are tired from their crazed birth-pains,
They are tired for their own mothers,
Who toiled for drunken fathers that have also left us
Twisted and sniveling on the damp ground—
The ground that has always been damp,
But seems dampest to he who has most recently
Lain upon it.
When summer comes it runs underground,
Deep as a man is tall.
The Grackle will guide you to it, if you would just let
The dry musty air go from your nubile lungs.
If only our mothers could prepare us
For the weight of soil on our chests,
Dull flowers reluctantly springing forth,
From our long tendril fingers.
-shane
Pining toes brush tips of pointed grass spears
ReplyDelete- tips, pointed and spears is probably overkill on the reference to pointy things.
-in the next line, I would suggest switching existed and always around and see how you feel about that.
-second to last line of the first stanza. I think lately could help the flow of syllables within the line, as well as pick up some rhyme with lain.
-On the whole I like this very much. Maybe think about if there is a place where you can work in the cost of crossing, i.e. the coins over the eyes or in the mouth, but as a reference.
Glad to see this stuff is getting some use so quickly. _Michael
Quite a few beautiful lines.
ReplyDeleteI love the line "When summer comes..."
I think this is a strong poem. Very strong imagery. Quite a good drunk poem.
I like the cost of crossing suggestion a lot. Thanks Michael. And Anthony.
ReplyDeletewell, sir. I am happy to see you here. As for this drunk slur of word...
ReplyDelete'deep as man is tall'--very, nice.
'..if only our mother'..'
on the all this definitely has a beginning and an end--=which I enjoy. I guess you could call it an 'arch'. We, especially me, can learn something from this. There's, in most cases anyway, a beginning and an end. This does it well. As always, your way with words is beautiful. Good to have you with us.